Well. I am sitting here with Josh, baking some cookies, and watching new year eve specials on TV. Zakiah is sound asleep finally after Josh and I got our last pics of her for 2009.
Never would have imagined that we will have a 6 month baby by the end of this year. I truly thought that by this time I would be a graduate with my MS in biomedical engineering, a career woman halfway through my first year at a pharmaceutical or medical device company, and a first time homeowner. I had planned to get married no earlier than 30 and start a family at 31.
Guess I got a 5 year head start on starting a family. It shows that life is so full of unexpected turns. Now I need to accomplish the rest of the items mentioned above.
At first, I was a little disappointed in bringing Zakiah up in the situation I am: still in grad school, unemployed, financially dependent on my oh so giving parents (who have been nothing but understanding, supportive, and nonjudgmental), still staying in an one bedroom apartment, and most of all, UNMARRIED. But as time passed, I realized that I have no reason to be disappointed! Life happens. I'm not perfect. Josh is not perfect. God could have chosen a much earlier opportunity to bring a baby in our lives. But He chose 2009 to bring us one of the best life changes. Zakiah is definitely no mistake, and I am so glad we have her here right now. Just can't imagine it any other way right now. She gives me motivation to do better. To be a better person. To be a better mom. To be a better Christian.
Maybe God brought Zakiah in my life to help me focus on not always thinking about myself. I thought I was on a breakthrough last summer toward being that top notch independent woman who didn't have to worry about anyone but herself. I was a sexy size seven with my high heels, skinny jeans from forever 21, and tight tops. People would look at me and call me diva because I was so confident in my style and who I was. On top of that, I thought I had this abstinence thing on lock. I mean it had been over eight months since Josh and I had done anything.
But September 20, 2009 happened. The devil found his way. Why did I have to look too good for him to resist? LOL I guess losing a few extra pounds would make those jeans look a little better than before.
Anyway, this time last year, Josh and I were at Church for the night service to bring in 2009. We were at Church trying to figure out how our lives were about to change. Trying out how to break the news to everyone. How to go about preparing for a baby. She was only a little over 3 months inside me last year around this time. So little. Hardly noticeable.
And now she is in my room sleeping. So big. Hard to miss.
Only a few more minutes til 2009 is over and 2010 rolls in.
O.M.G. Zakiah will be SO big this time next year. Walking. Talking. Hanging with mommy and daddy while waiting for 2011. Crazy.
2010 is going to be a great year! I am looking forward to it!
Happy New Year!
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