No one said it would be easy, but man, I wonder how will I get through to the next day. The only way is through God, who I am learning to trust that He will supply all my needs ALWAYS. I love Zakiah with all my heart and only want the best for my baby. I feel like I am really pressed to do what I need to do to get finished with school soon and find a job so I can make sure Zakiah's needs are met. It is hard to get things done when I have so much frustration bottled up inside. I don't want Zakiah to see her parents struggling and at their worst. Josh is working all day and tries to study at night; I am with Zakiah all day, trying to fit in time to work on my thesis, look for jobs, and keep my house in order. But I feel like Josh and I are getting lost in all our burdens and not truly seeking God to help guide us. Or maybe that I am the one getting lost for Josh constantly tells me not to worry about our situation...it will get better. Ha, I would feel better if he would also attach a game plan behind that "do not worry" statement. Sometimes I feel like I have so little faith...that my world is crumbling down and Zakiah would have to suffer from my downfall.
But I must remember that that is how the devil wants me to feel. He wants me to feel like I am so deep down in the valley that I can no way pull myself out of what I dug myself so deep in. But Jesus is present in the deepest valleys and shines His light for His followers to see. Jesus is with me...I just have to learn to seek the kingdom FIRST in all I do and stop trying to fix my problems by my own will. I want show Zakiah that regardless of how bad things get, God is Holy.
I have a choice today: To follow God and His house or follow the devil. I am choosing God because He has ordered my steps and His will is best for me. Time to get to work. Will update with week 14 slideshow soon.